The UFO is a poem Calvin wrote as an excuse to avoid having to go to the board at school. The lyrics are as follows:
- "While lying on my back to make an angel in the snow
I saw a greenish craft appear! A giant UFO!
- A strange, unearthly hum it made! It hovered overhead!
And aliens were moving 'round in view ports glowing red!
- I tried to run for cover, but a hook that they had low'r'd
Snagged me by my overcoat and hoisted me aboard!
- Even then, I tried to fight, and though they numbered many,
I poked them in their compound eyes and pulled on their antennae!
- It was no use! They dragged me to a platform, tied me up,
And wired to my cranium a fiendish suction cup!
- They turned it on and current coursed across my cerebellum,
Coaxing from my brain tissue the things I wouldn't tell 'em!
- All the math I ever learned, the numbers and equations,
Were mechanic'ly removed in this brain-draining operation!
- My escape was an adventure. (I won't tell you what I did.)
Suffice to say, I cannot add, so ask some other kid".